A client of mine once told me: “You have stuff. You will Die. Someone will take your stuff.” Now, after you’re gone, you really won’t be in a position to care so much about your “stuff.” However, chances are good that your beneficiaries will. And surprisingly, the biggest discord can erupt over items with little value in the marketplace but huge value in the heart. Accordingly, I like to help my clients think about this as part of their estate planning. One strategy is simply for you to assign items to your beneficiaries according to your own desires. Other clients prefer to ask their beneficiaries if there are particular items that have sentimental value. Some families prefer to distribute special items before a parent or grandparent dies as part of a “paring down” process that often occurs when living arrangements change (perhaps a move to a senior community or condo.)
Some clients even make a plan to copy family photos and movies to share with everyone. Another one of my clients used photos as a way of documenting her wishes. She took photos of special family heirlooms that she did not want to have sold and wrote her desires in a letter of wishes. This is an excellent way to designate clearly where your things should go. I recognize that this can be a difficult emotional process, but I tell my clients that it is important to pass on your values, and perhaps the stories associated with family treasures. Your estate can be much more than just “stuff;” it can be an emotional legacy that connects the generations.
With that said, an even bigger surprise, that often catches beneficiaries off guard, is what to do with items that no one needs or desires. A house full of furniture, dishes, clothes, and knick knacks may present a huge burden to dispose of, especially if your beneficiaries are already well-established in their lives or live distantly. It is a good idea to include a plan for those items. You can list an estate sale agent with proceeds of the sale to be divided amongst your beneficiaries, or specify charities that can make excellent use of your household goods. It can be both emotionally and physically overwhelming to sort through a lifetime’s worth of “stuff” for your family. It is a real kindness to lift that burden with a plan that YOU approve of.
There is no one right answer. But it is always true that guessing at someone’s wishes once they’ve gone guarantees their wishes WON’T be carried out. As with the rest of your estate planning, taking a little time now to specify your wishes is the ultimate act of love.